10 May 2019
How to Free Yourself from Self-Judgement to find Self-Love
Relationships take work, like anything, you need to the put energy in, to help them grow.
However, the most intimate and important relationship in life, (and coincidentally, the one that requires the most energy) is with yourself. Before you can love others fully, you must love yourself first. – I know what you’re thinking, like yeah I love myself just fine. But how often do we look in the mirror and think, “If only my stomach was flatter,” or “Would I look better with lip fillers?” “I need to do something about my eyebrows,” “How do those girls on instagram get their teeth so white?” “I wish my hair wasn’t so frizzy.” – Need I go on? Chances are you have had one of these thoughts, or something along these lines before. – That’s just the appearance based ones! A whole other subtype of anti-self love is our ‘blame thoughts’, the “why did I say that! So stupid,” types. The “If only I hadn’t gone, done, said” etc. thoughts – sound familiar?
This is normal – a common trait that we all share is self-judgement, and from there, judgments and/or criticisms of others. – and no one likes being judged, including you!
The first step in stopping this, is the of awareness and realising that the source of negative judgements is you.
Usually we can’t help it, we hold ourselves to a high standard, it’s part of our own ego protection. But it’s detrimental. When you don’t meet your own standards you beat yourself up about it. That’s when we extend this standard to our our loved ones – who may not have agreed to, or even be aware that this standard exists.
So how to cure yourself of judgment to free yourself and your loved ones of your negativity?
The answer is simple, but not easy. Forgive yourself.
Whatever you’re beating yourself up about. When you stop being so hard on yourself, you will have the room in your heart to forgive others too. Realise that you are doing the best you can at the time.
For Example, – you have had a rough day at work, had to skip lunch and come home late.
Your partner asks “What’s for dinner?” and you snap back. “I’ve had a horrible day, can’t you tell!”
It’s not the best thing you have ever done, but the best you could do on an empty stomach. Forgive yourself for snapping, realize that even if skipping lunch makes you grumpy don’t do it, and then go apologise to your partner. Pack some healthy protein bars in your bag to keep in your desk in case of emergencies. Having this kind of self awareness to what triggers you is vital to the happiness of your future self.
So now when people snap at you, or don’t meet your expectations of them, you can already forgive them in advance. As they maybe have had a rough day, skipped lunch or have had something else unknown to you happen. This doesn’t mean you codone or accept their unpleasantness but can stop judging them for it. (A simple, “Do you realise you’re being aggressive and yelling” in a neutral tone, will work wonders for them to be mindful, and for you to speak and stand up for yourself.)
The next step in the Goddess Retreats Guide for total self-forgiveness and finding happiness:
Most people have a list of things that they have been carrying around that they haven’t forgiven themselves for. You know the ones, they are probably small things, that just happened and you’ve moved on, but sometimes they come flooding back into your mind and you cringe, and say, “why did I do that?” and then try and shift focus.
You may have only one you can think of at the moment, or maybe something has happened recently and it’s still fresh in your mind.
Get our a pen and some paper and start listing the things you need to forgive yourself for. Maybe you were rude to a coworker, maybe you forgot to send an important email, maybe you yelled at your sibling. Or maybe you gained weight, maybe you tripped or injured yourself. Whatever it is that your holding a grudge against yourself for, write them down and go through this list. – of all the small things that are frustrating annoying you and forgive yourself, then (if needed) contact the other person and apologise.
This experience of letting go can be extremely liberating. As we often don’t realise how much of an energy drain these kind of self-criticisms and judgements are. This may take practice, but before long you’ll forgive yourself immediately and will find yourself set free from the negative self thoughts.
Want to continue your journey towards total self-love?
Practice some rejuvenation and self-care with our DIY restorative spa bath.
Or click here to read our guide to a happier life through gratitude and minimalism.